11.27.2002

it's not what you do, it's how you do it...


i tell you, i'm really on a roll with keeping this blog up to date and all.... sheesh.

without question, a death in the family really makes a person begin to think. you start to consider what is important in life, at least in your life. what regrets you have, and why they are there. how you could change things if you would at all because when you get down to it ther is no such thing as a mistake. it's all just one big lesson.

our first night in for the funeral, my brother and i spent good quality time with family we had not seen for 13 years. don't ask why i waited so long. i think i avoid the good majority of my family from both sides because i really hate the question, "so what do you do now?" to have to resist the urge to say something horrible like, "get lots of dickin" is to just too horrible for me. but i think my family really would not appreciate that joke. so, i tell the truth. it may not be as impressive, but it is what mom always taught me to do.

"i answer phones for an engineering firm and quietly work my way through college for a degree in god knows what."

then came the second most dreaded question. the one about why on earth did i move from an awesome city like boston, back to southwestern virginia. what could be so amazing that i would give up things like art, culture and one of the best sushi restaurants i have ever been to? well, it's a simple answer, but i warn you - it's disgusting, mushy, and quite honestly it is against every fiber of my being that i give answers like this.

"i fell in love."

that is the cold hard truth. i moved back to the one place on earth that i truly despise. the one that represents everything in my past that i hate and eveything i never want to become. and i did it all for this man i love. granted, for the sake of my sanity we are moving far away after he finishes his degree, but i still hold that my sacrifice is a huge one.

i don't have an impressive and expensive piece of paper signed and framed by the college of my choice hanging on my wall. i'm not some wildly earthly creature with an incredible job, blindingly bright future and more money than i know what to do with. i haven't saved the world and if you want to get down to it, i'm not even nice in traffic. but somehow i got lucky enough to get that one thing i've wanted my whole life; the one thing that i consider the most noble and honorable cause. love. i'm fortunate enough to have this person in my life who makes my heart beat a million miles a minute and leaves me breathless. we can talk for hours on end, or sit in silence and and never notice time pass. he is my best friend and my better half. he is the person whose arms i want around me when i'm upset and the last voice i want to hear at night.

that i get to have this in my life is my greatest accomplishment. i feel i have succeeded in a way most will never know and can only dream of. and eveything that i have done or that has happened to me in my life has brought me to this point. so to me, nothing was ever a mistake and there are things that i would not like to be reminded of, but they have made me who i am today and for that i'm greatful.